THE FESTIVAL PART 2

So before we proceed with this part, let me just say this.

This was the 2nd one of these I've ever seen.

At the first one, the BITCH running it said NO, I could NOT do it, it was just for the kids at the festival.

OK.

But this one, oh this one.

It was a TEENAGE BOY running it.

I walked up to him and said: "I weight 92 lbs. Can I do it?"

He said: "Hell yes. Ma'am."

So I did.

:)

Me & Jake, baby!

KISS MY ASS!


Flying down

:)

© 2007 HillCountryGal

Note: :)

THE THINGS I WANT TO DO

...OR SEE BEFORE I DIE

Chimney Rock Park, S.C. (where "The Last Of The Mohicans" was filmed).

The quarry site in

where the complete skeleton of

"Big Al" was found.

Tree-top skimming in Costa Rica.

See this in the wilds of Nambia before they are all gone, only to be found in zoos.

Oh, yes, yes, yes!!!

Ride one of these, a Mountain Hardball.

Eat all of these I want, then eat some more, WITHOUT once saying or even thinking, "OMG. They cost how much????"

Just one more time.
Fly in an open cockpit biplane just one more time.

See the fall foliage in Vermont.

Go here

to see

and

and

Have a professional

and

and

Never had any of 'em.

Punch the accelerator and drive this

or this

as fast as it will go

without having one of these

dickheads chase my ass.

Smoke one or two of these

Cohiba-Behike Cuban cigar ($440 EACH).

And last, but certainly NOT least, have

One time.

I want breakfast in bed one time before permanent nap time.

:)

© 2007 HillCountryGal

Note: I want THIS man to play THIS song on THIS guitar. TO ME. ONLY ME.

THINGS YOUR MAMA NEVER TOLD YOU....

......AND THINGS YOUR MAMA TOLD YOU THAT WERE OUT & OUT LIES


Let's start with the lies, shall we?

1. Mama: "If you eat fish, you have to eat a piece of bread with it."

Me: "Why?"

Mama: "If a fish bone gets stuck in your throat, the bread right behind it will wad up around it and go on down into your belly."

Me: "How?"

Mama: "It just does."

Me: "But...."

Mama: "Go clean your room."

2. Mama: "After you eat, you cannot go swimming for 30 minutes or you'll cramp up and die."

Me: "Why?"

Mama: "Because I said so."

Me: "If you go 29 minutes after you eat?"

Mama: "You'll die."

Me: "How do the cramps know when 30 minutes are up?"

Mama: "Go clean your room."

3. Mama: "Your best friend just died."

Me: "Mama! She was only 7."

Mama: "She went to live with Jesus."

Me: "Why?"

Mama: "Because she was so good Jesus wanted her to live with him."

Me: "Then I'm gonna be really really bad. Always."

Mama: "Jesus won't like that."

Me: "I know. That's why."

Mama: "You need to pray and ask for forgiveness."

Me: "No way."

Mama: "Go clean your room."

4. Mama: "You're taking science class in school this year."

Me: "Why?"

Mama: "Because you'll need it if you're going to become a nurse."

Me: "I'm not going to be a nurse."

Mama: "Well, you'll need it if you're going to become a teacher."

Me: "I'm not going to be a teacher."

Mama: "You'll definitely need it if you're going to become a missionary."

Me: "I'm not going to be a missionary."

Mama: "Those are your choices."

Me: "Mama, I'm going to be a writer."

Mama: "Girls become nurses or teachers or missionaries."

Me: "Pearl S. Buck was girl."

Mama: "Pearl S. Buck was a nom de plume."

Me: "No, it wasn't. (I read. I knew what a nom de plume was.) That was her real name and she was a girl."

Mama: "Your choices are nurse, teacher or missionary."

Me: "I'd rather be a dancing Catholic prostitute."

Mama (recovering from the vapors): "You're grounded for 6 months."

I was, too. 6 MONTHS. 6 MONTHS of NOTHING except church, school and piano lessons. Not one church social, not one picnic. 6 MONTHS.

So let me explain something here. You people have NO IDEA what a Catholic was to a Southern Baptist missionary.

Let me just give you an example of another real conversation between Mama and me.

Me: "Mama, why can't I play with her?"

Mama: "She's Catholic."

Me: "But, Mama...."

Mama: "She's Catholic and she's going to hell. Do you want to go to hell with her?"

Me: "No. Why is she going to hell?"

Mama: "I told you why. She's Catholic. All Catholics go to hell."

Me: "Catholic daddies?"

Mama: "Yes."

Me: "Catholic mommies?"

Mama: "Yes."

Me: "Catholic children?"

Mama: "Yes."

Me: "Catholic babies?"

Mama: "Yes."

Me: "Catholic dogs?"

Mama: "YES."

Me: "Catholic cats?"

Mama: "YES!!! If they're Catholic, they're going to hell."

Me: "Catholic hamsters?"

Mama: "Go clean your room."

OK, now the dancing part.

It was a BIG SIN to dance. BIG SIN. I cannot tell you the number of sermons I heard on the evils of dancing. It just wasn't done.

The prostitution part?

That's easy. Even though I had NO IDEA what a prostitute was, I heard countless numbers of sermons on the evils of prostitution.

Hence, the dancing Catholic prostitute thingie.

Do you know it wasn't until I was in my mid-30's that I EVER set foot inside a Catholic church (for a neighbor's funeral)? I'll have to tell you about that some time. Trust me here. It was HIFUCKINGLARIOUS!!!!

5. Mama: "If you kiss a boy, you'll get pregnant."

Me: "What's pregnant?"

Mama: "You'll have a baby."

Me: "I don't want a baby."

Mama: "Then don't kiss a boy."

Me: "Mama, I saw a woman that was going to have a baby. The baby wasn't in her mouth. The baby was in her tummy."

Mama: "Go clean your room."

6. Mama: "You need to learn to cook."

Me: "Why?"

Mama: "Because men don't like women that can't cook."

Blatant lie.

I can't cook worth a shit.

BWAAAAAAA HAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAAAA

OK. So what's THE most important thing my Mama NEVER told me?

Oh, that's easy.

Mama NEVER told me when you started getting old, you'd get gray hairs *cough* down *ahem* there. You know, downstairs.

When it happens, it will shock the shit out of you.

Me (dialing phone):

Sondi (daughter): "Hello."

Me: "You sitting down?"

Sondi: "Hi, Mama!"

Me: "When you start getting old, you're gonna go gray on your twat."

Sondi: "What?????"

Me: "Yep."

Sondi: "Mama, you lie!"

Me: "Ain't lying. Hairs. Gray."

Sondi: "Mama, that's not right."

Me: "Gray."

Sondi: "Mama, that's awful!"

Me: "Bye."

Sondi: "Mama, wait!!!"

Me: *click*

I need a shot.

Grey Goose, baby!

Your turn!

Tell.

:)

© 2007 HillCountryGal

Note: Tina :)

THE EVOLUTION

So we're just kinda going to continue the theme from yesterday.

Well, the hair theme, anyway.

Before we get going here, let me just say

My scanner sucks ass, m'kay?

The smaller the pix, the more pixelated it scans.

And another thing.

I obviously have no pride OR dignity, either.

OK, let's rock.

The evolution of hair, Hill-style.

In the beginning...

Casual 2. All dressed up in a frilly girlie dress with my ass plopped down on a sidewalk.

Passport pix at 3 years old. Mama was PISSED OFF after the pix was taken and she THEN noticed my suspenders were crossed in front. No doubt she worked like a fiend trying to contain my hair in that barrette thingie.

9 here, holding my baby brother.

(Obviously, I was overcome with joy about having my pix taken, too)

Ah, yes, 16 years old, not allowed to wear one iota of any makeup whatsoever, not a dab of mascara, not even lip gloss.

I wonder how long it took me to make my hair this board straight? Likely HOURS.

At 21. Have NO IDEA what possessed me to put those light streaks in my hair. I don't think it was Halloween. And who the hell took this pix????

The Shag cut.

What.The.Fuck.Was.I.Thinking????? Why, yes, I got my naturally curly AND wavy hair permed in one of those spiral curl perms.

What.The.Fuck.Was.I.Thinking?????

I have NO IDEA who this dude was, but obviously, he said something I found hifuckinglarious!!

Me and Captain Ron.

Even when I tried to tame it, out of control hair. All over the place.

Hell, yeah, I'm ladylike. Why do you ask?

Bar none, my absolute FAVE haircut EVER!

And yes, that is one long curly strand of hair amidst the shortest haircut in the history of Hill hair.

So now it's YOUR turn.

Post some pixs of your evolving hairstyles.

Dudes, that goes for you, too.

I wanna see.

Do it!

:)

© 2007 HillCountryGal

Note: November, baby. WooooHoooo!