THE LESSON

So Beau here

taught me 3 things this weekend.

1. When pissed off, crying & hollering is self-defeating. All it does is make you snot. Instead, trot your ass outside, turn your face upward toward the sun, and occasionally, lick your balls. OK, so the ball-licking part is out, but the sun thingie is in.

2. If you arf, get somebody else to clean it up. Then drink lots of water.

3. If someone raises your hackles, listen to your hackles. They're there for a reason. Trust them.

OK, 4 things.

4. Piss on this asshole.

A campaign flyer for this ^^^^ asshat here was IN MY YARD when I got back from Dallas late last night.

Beau knows.

As soon as the front door was opened and freedom was at hand, Beau The Brilliant ran over to the flyer and promptly pissed on it.

Beau knows.

4. Piss on the asshole

:)

© 2008 HillCountryGal

BIG D

Heading there Sunday.

What are your plans for the weekend?

:)

© 2008 HillCountryGal

TGIF

For real.

TGIF!

Photo of The Beautiful Elena

TGIF!

:)

© 2008 HillCountryGal

O NO

So let's say you buy a product and it doesn't perform up to par.

What to do, what to do?

Well, if you're a savvy consumer, after you have tried and tried but received no satisfaction from the retailer, you take the next logical step.

You file a complaint with Consumer Protection.

Now, if you're here in the good ole USA, you'll get laughed at. By Consumer Protection. Dubyaland, you know....

However, if you're in Romania, watch out!

The agency will actually go to bat, so to speak, for you.

Case in point.

Dude, mid 40s, bought himself a blowup doll.

Uh huh, he did.

And not just any blowup doll, either.

No sir, his doll moaned.

Uh huh, it did.

So he enjoyed the *fellowship* of his *cough* lady for a bit and then she got a headache.

She quit moaning.

BTW, I Googled "blowup dolls" and and found this ^^^^^ lovely creature.

Now where was I?

Oh yeah, his baby quit moaning.

It also deflated "too quickly."

Gawdhelpme, I can't hardly type this.

BWAAAAAAAHHAHAHHAHHAAA!

Where was I?

Oh yeah, complaint.

So Consumer Protection there in Romania, after carefully "testing" said *companion,* not only fined the sex shop £600 but ordered it to give Blue Balls Dude a new lady friend.

Now that's what I'm talking about!

Let's look at the Alien Babe one more time, shall we?

She was obtained through the Freedom of Information Act.

Declassified.

Absolute fave among the Minutemen.

And now you know where the term "Minutemen" comes from, too.

'Sup, pendejo?

:)

© 2008 HillCountryGal

CHEW ON THIS

China got the munchies.

That's right, baby.

You know how it is.

Long day, a little stress here and yonder, playtime, some salivating....

Poof!

Next thing you know, 4 of your toes have been chewed the fuck off.

And your ass was sound asleep and you didn't even realize it.

The thing that wakes you up is your frantic roommate shaking you (while studiously avoiding your bloody nubs) back to daylight.

Ain't lying here!

"Kentucky resident, Terri Smith, 27, didn’t realize what had happened until his roommate, Tim Cantrell, found him in his bed with a blood-covered left foot Wednesday morning.

Cantrell said that Smith had been in an accident five years ago, which left him paralyzed from the waist down.

The five-month-old pit bull, named China, chewed off the toes as Smith lay in bed."

Eeny, Meny, Miny, Moe

Alpo!

:)

© 2008 HillCountryGal

SUPER FAT TUESDAY

Map of the United States showing the states holding caucus and primary elections on Super Duper Tuesday of the 2008 en:U.S. presidential primary cycle.

Key:

* Purple: states holding elections for both parties (19)
* Blue: Democratic Party (United States)en-only elections (3)
* Red: Republican Party (United States)en-only elections (2)

Laissez Les Bon Temps Roulez

If you want to really get into the festivities, here you go. Mardi Gras Paradecam.

Laissez Les Bon Temps Roulez

because tonight

We Celebrate!

:)

© 2008 HillCountryGal

A GATHERING OF DICKS

It was bound to happen sooner or latter, and hallelujah, it has.

The one-stop Dickshop is here!

That's right, baby.

Dickipedia - A Wiki of Dicks.

Naturally, The Dick


is a member.

Uh huh, he is.

To wit:

Early Life and Family - "In 1959, he matriculated to Yale University, where it was thought to be impossible to flunk out. After flunking out, Cheney returned to Wyoming in 1960. He ended up graduating from the University of Wyoming at the age of twenty-four, the perfect age for a young black man to serve his country in the army."

Cheney and the Draft - "Cheney received a “hardship exemption" in 1966 when he and his wife conceived their first child. By the next year, he was no longer eligible for the draft. It had been a long process, but Cheney learned a valuable lesson: if you get in a jam, you can usually get out of it by fucking somebody."

Vice President - "In 2006, Cheney shot his 78-year-old friend in the face while quail hunting -- a practice some call "an accident" and others call "good clean fun."

Future as Vice President - "One theory about why Cheney would care so little about nuclear war and the casualties it would cause is because, in fact, Cheney actually died several years ago, and is just too big of a dick to leave, instead simply willing his body to carry one through sheer dick will."

Now Dickipedia is short several prominent dicks.

Among them are:

Every single dick in this photo montage,

and

and

and


and
Well, OK, not that ^^^^ Tweety.

This


Now, we have many superbly talented peeps who comment here regularly.

You know exactly where this is going, yes?

So anyway, all you superbly talented peeps listen up!

Dickipedia needs your writing skill.

So stir up that gray matter and get busy.

Let the Dick-A-Thon begin!


:)

© 2008 HillCountryGal

THE BLUE

:(

© 2008 HillCountryGal

THE HALLELUJAH

So this dude that works for the State Police *UP* in Hamilton, N.J. has been going to church a lot lately.

You see, he's been *ahem* testing his faith.

That's right, baby.

And what better way to do so than to watch

on a

computer.

OK, I'm fibbing.

Not on HER^^^^^ computer.

Besides, ^^^ hard drive is nothing but


Instead, Thomas G. Findler was busted sneaking into Grace St. Paul Episcopal Church in the night over the last three weeks to look at pornography on a nun's computer.

The church "custodian chased him out, right into a police officer who happened to be nearby."

Prolly waiting for his turn on the computer.

Anyhoo, reached Thursday morning, Findler's father said his son was not home.

Hallelujah!


Bless me, for I have sinned....

.....and it was good!

:)

© 2008 HillCountryGal