Thursday, October 25, 2007


OK, let me just say this before I get started here.

Fuck Blogger.

And his/her Mama.

It's a little after 11 p.m. (still Thursday) and this HO won't let me upload a pix.


I'll try again when I finish writing, and if a pix is here when you read this, then just ignore this top part.

Now that we have that out of the way, let's talk about teachers, shall we?

Why, yes, I do believe we shall.

For some reason, my 10th grade History teacher, Mr. McGuinnis, came to mind earlier today.

Mr. McGuinniss. Ancient as the rocks, boring as a Gregory Lyons.


I'm sorry. Delirious Tired here.

Anyhoo, Mr. McGuiniss is/was my most memorable teacher.

No, he wasn't the best or the worst, just the most memorable.

So let me give you some background here.

When I was in the 9th & 10th grade, I went to school in this little hamlet in North Texas called Melissa. Yep, Melissa was her name.

Melissa Independent School District consisted of Grades K-10 in the same building.

When one got to the 11th grade, one rode the school bus into either McKinney or Anna to finish high school.

Now there were 18 of us in the 10th grade, ranging in age from 15-20.

Yes, there were four guys in class that were either 19 or 20 years old (having failed 4th & 6th grades a couple of times. Each). These dudes didn't have fuzz on their face, they had FULL BLOWN mustaches/scruffy beards.

Which was actually advantageous when our school played other schools in the district in basketball, 'cause hey, we had MEN on our team. They had boys.

Where was I? Oh yeah, Mr. McGuiness.

So Mr. McGuiness' class was a total clusterfuck.

He would stand in front of his teacher podium thingie and drone on & on & on about, well, who knew, 'cause NOBODY listened to him. Not only did nobody listen to him, but most of the students turned their desks around with their BACKS to him and carried on their personal/private conversations. One couple, boy/girl, continuously made out in the back of classroom. Spitballs flew overhead, somebody had a transistor radio playing, and one girl danced. No, not to the music playing on the transistor radio, to the music only she could hear. In her head.

Such was the atmosphere in Mr. McGuinesses' 10th grade History class.

One day, a new boy checked into school.

His name was Gary.

Within 10 minutes of the start of 10th grade History class, Gary would achieve Melissa Independent School District immortality.

That's right.

Mr. McGuiness went Bug.Fuck.Crazy and started choking Gary, on Gary's FIRST DAY AT OUR SCHOOL.

Gary, having probably come from a normal school with standard teachers and/or students, was actually sitting in class, HIS FIRST DAY AT OUR SCHOOL, facing Mr. McGuiness and seemingly, trying to pay attention to him, too.

I saw it coming.

A spitball, way from the back of the classroom, making a beeline for Mr. McGuiness.

Landed right smack dab in the middle of his forehead.

Stuck there, too.

That's when Mr. McGuiness lunged at Gary, the new kid ON HIS FIRST DAY AT OUR SCHOOL who was sitting on the front row facing Mr. McGuiness and actually listening to him, wrapped his hands around Gary's neck and started choking the bejeesus outta him.

Remember the 4 MEN in the class?

Thankgawd they failed 4th & 6th grade. Twice.

'Cause it took all 4 of them to pry Mr. McGuiness' fingers off from around Gary's neck.

And escort Mr. McGuiness to the Principal's office.

After his face turned from blue/red back to normal (beige-ish), Gary drank his first beer (he said it was his first) somebody had handed to him there in class. Which was a true gesture of peer acceptance as the beer in the lunch box was intended as a snack during Study Hall.

The next day, the Principal came into our History class and told us Mr. McGuiness had had a nervous breakdown.

You don't say.

We never saw Mr. McGuiness again but Gary had achieved legend status in our school.

I don't know what Gary sounded like before The Choking, but afterwards, Rod Stewart-ish. Raspy-like, you know?


So. Who was your most memorable teacher? And why?

Tell me.


© 2007 HillCountryGal

Note: "At This Moment" - Billy Vera

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