BOO

OK, so I've done lots of bullshit Halloween costumes (always, but always inexpensive, too) but I gotta tell ya, the most memorable H-costume/experience I've had was when yours truly went to a party as

That's right, baby, Elvira.

So here are the basic elements of an Elvira costume.

We'll talk the OBVIOUS ONES last.

OK, hair.

Not a problem.

I do know how to back-comb (ladies, remember that nightmare???), it was just challenging back-combing that much long hair on top of the head.

Oh, that reminds me.

I knew a man that didn't want anybody to know he was bald (yeah, right-o) except for a little ring around the sides & back of his head (think a friar tuck thingie), so what did he do? Why, he grew one side of that head ring like down to his fucking man-boobs and back-combed the shit out of it and then arranged it back over his bald head.

Now ask me how I know this.

Seen him in the mall parking lot one day. Very, very windy day. Wind caught that long-ass back-combed side (hair-sprayed like a Mofo, too), and just lifted it up like a hat. That was attached to the other side of his bald head.

BWAAAAA AHAHAHAHAA HAHAHAHAAAAA

OK, where was I?

Oh, yeah, Elvira hair.

So I back-combed a humongous amount of hair (had to turn my back to the mirror cause to back-comb long hair you have to bend over & stretch your arms WAY out) and figured I had done it.

I had Elvira hair.

Turned around & looked in the mirror and went, "Fuck." I lacked oh, about 4 inches to reach Elvira hair height.

Back to back-combing.

Finally, like after 20 minutes of deliberately tangling my hair, success!

Hair sprayed the hell out of that mess, and proceeded to do the war paint.

Lips? That was easy. Just slapped on about 15 coats of thick red lipstick.

Eyes?

OMFG!

What I ended up doing was just smearing black liquid eyeliner over my entire eyelids and drew this thingie almost to my ears and just colored it in. I thought of it as staying inside the lines. Oh, and like 8 coats of mascara, too.

Now to the outfit.

An Elvira outfit is easy as pie.

Elvira skirt? Check. I just slit one side of a long black skirt I owned (and never wore anymore) up to my thigh area and presto, Elvira skirt.

Elvira shirt? Check. Took a black turtleneck, cut off the turtleneck part thingie and then cut that puppy down the front to, well, ah, well, down really low.

Now came the challenge.

How to make normal ta-tas look like Elvira ta-tas.

Now see, here's the deal with Elvira ta-tas.

Yes, they are enormous and one simply cannot fake enormous, but Elvira's boobs are pushed UP so toward the middle of the chest that the cleavage is what, about 1-1/2 ft. or so, yes?

So I bought a pair of these.

Now these pups are like a sticky one-cup (one for each of the twins) thingie that sticks right up & under each girl. They are 100% GUARANTEED to stay in place.

They feel yucky, too. Like you dipped the lower half of your boob in congealed molasses or something.

So anyway, after MUCH trial & error, I finally got those pups properly placed. Stuck up & under each ta-ta.

Looked in the mirror and holy shit!

I had cleavage.

Well, you would too if you bunched up every single ounce you had & pushed 'em to the middle of your chest and then basically sort of glued 'em in place.

Later, at the party.....

So it was a blast being Elvira. Dancing & drinking & just being totally out & out Elvira-trampy.

Fun, fun, fun.

Still later, at the party....

Drink needed a refill. Looked around, didn't see the waiter (yes, it was one of those fancy parties where the hosts actually HIRED waiters), so decided to stagger walk over to the bar. On the way, even though I was drunk tipsy, I felt slightly out of balance.

Looked down.

At my Elvira ta-tas.

Hello, sky-high cleavaged ta-ta.

Where the fuck is your twin?

Ah, there it is, down in its normal position.

WTF???

Ya'll, I do NOT know how it happened (those fuckers were 100% GUARANTEED to stay in place), but the Lifter-Upper-Cleavage-Maker-Sticky-Cup-Thingie was on my sleeve, between my elbow & my wrist.

Yeah, it was.

I'm pretty sure it winked at me, too.

Stuck like a Mofo.

On my SLEEVE.

100% GUARANTEED, baby.

Happy Halloween.

:)

© 2007 HillCountryGal

Note: Stay With Me, Baby :)