THE DISINTEGRATION

So, I trusted my washing machine.

I did.

I trusted the "HAND WASH" setting.

Big, BIG mistake.




We're gonna have a contest.

First person that tells me what the fuck that shit is and what it came off of is gonna win a prize.

The prize?

Well, you may not think it's much of a prize, but still...

Anyway, first person that correctly identifies the crap in my washing machine and what it came off of is gonna be invited to do a "Guest Post" here.

Any subject.

Your choice.

So tell me.

What the fuck is that shit?

:)

© 2008 HillCountryGal

Red Hot

KNOWING....

...in the biblical way.

So, there's this little town in

named

And the town sign keeps getting stolen.

No shit, Sherlock.

The Austrians aren't amused.

I am.

"British tourists have left the residents of one charming Austrian village effing and blinding by constantly stealing the signs for their oddly named village.

While British visitors are finding it hilarious, the residents of Fucking are failing to see the funny side.

Only one kind of criminal stalks the sleepy 32-house village near Salzburg on the German border - cheeky British tourists armed with a sense of humor and a screwdriver.

But the local authorities are hitting back with the signs now set in concrete, police chief Kommandant Schmidtberger is on the lookout.

"We will not stand for the Fucking signs being removed," the officer said."

Apparently, only the British tourists are obsessed with Fucking.

"The Germans all want to see the Mozart house in Salzburg," according to local tourist guide Andreas Beumueller. "Every American seems to care only about 'The Sound of Music' (the 1965 film shot around Salzburg.) The occasional Japanese wants to see Hilter's birthplace in Braunau."

"Bitte - nicht so schnell!" is German for "Please - not so fast!"

Fucking-A!

:)

© 2008 HillCountryGal

THE ENEMY

:(

© 2008 HillCountryGal

WHY I LOVE THE GOOGLE

1 a.m.

REM out the window, eyelids pop open.

Hmmmmmmmmm.....

I know!

I'm gonna Google "funny street signs."

I like funny street signs. They're funny.

I do and they are.

But I'm doomed.

No, I don't see dead people.

I see blue links.

They MAKE ME click on 'em.

I do.

And eventually, I land in Bizzaroland From Hell.

That's right, baby, my happy ass is reading about phobias. Not just any old everyday run-of-the-mill boring phobias, but the 10 most bizarre phobias ever.

Ergasiophobia - Fear of Work

"Ergasiophobia can be a persistent and debilitating disorder in some people, causing significant psychological disability and dysfunction," according to the article.

I love it!

Next time somebody hollers at me, "Git a job!" you know what I'm gonna say, yes?

"No can do. I have Ergasiophobia."

Fucking fear of work. Now you just KNOW some lazy ass MoFo was laying around one day and his/her partner was yelling and hollering and carrying on about
"Git a job."

The old standby, "Nobody's hiring," got deep six'd when partner held up pages and pages of classifieds.

Shit!

What to do, what to do?!?

Light bulb!

1. Make up a Latin-ish sounding word and attach "phobia" to the end of it.

2. Ergasiophobia. Check!

"No can work. I have Ergasiophobia."

Which is playtime compared to

Ithyphallophobia - Fear of Erections

From the article: "Defined as “a persistent, abnormal, and unwarranted fear of an erect penis”, each year this surprisingly common phobia causes countless people needless distress. To add insult to an already distressing condition, most fear of erection therapies take months or years and sometimes even require the patient to be exposed repeatedly to their fear. Known by a number of names - Medorthophobia, Phallophobia, Ithyphallophobia, and Fear of an Erect Penis being the most common - the problem often significantly impacts the quality of life. It can cause panic attacks and keep people apart from loved ones and business associates."

Fear of an Erect Penis.

Nope.

Not one of Granny's phobias.

UP!

:)

© 2008 HillCountryGal

Tonight's The Night

THE FILMING

You guys know that lots of movies and TV shows and such have been filmed in and around Austin, yes?

Best Little Whorehouse in Texas, Courage Under Fire, Lonesome Dove (TV miniseries), Miss Congeniality 1 and 2, Office Space, and Secondhand Lions are but a few of the ones filmed in this area. The complete list is here.

So my happy ass is beebopping along reading the local news when I stumbled across a sentence that stopped me cold in my tracks.

Go ahead, guess what it featured?

No, not that.

This.

Filmmaking siblings Joel and Ethan Coen are set to make their goriest film ever — a Spaghetti Western featuring scenes of primitive torture methods. The brothers, whose notoriously gory new film “No Country for Old Men” has been tipped for Oscar glory, are desperate to make a film about the days of cowboys and Indians battling it out in the Wild West of America. But, as Joel warns, it won’t be one for the faint-hearted. He says, “We’ve written a western with a lot of violence in it. There’s scalping and hanging … it’s good. Indians torturing people with ants, cutting their eyelids off.” Ethan adds, “It’s a proper western, a real western, set in the 1870s. It’s got a scene that no one will ever forget because of one particular chicken.”

A chicken.

You guys KNOW how I feel about the nasty little fuckers.

Forget the primitive torture crap mentioned in the article.

This is what haunts me.

"It’s got a scene that no one will ever forget because of one particular chicken."

Hot wings?

:)

© 2008 HillCountryGal

Texas

DUDE, YOUR BALLS STINK

If you've been told your balls would gag the maggot or if your "downstairs" guest is a tad more discreet and simply sprays your nuts with Lysol Disinfectant or Renuzit when you drop your drawers, have I got the product for you!

No more awkward moments when your lover passes the fuck out from the funk of your nuts.

No more embarrassing episodes when your dog barfs when he gets a whiff of your boys.

Those days are gone, baby!

That's right, baby.

Nodoro, the stinky balls freshener.

Now, with Nodoro, you can smell as clean as a dude who actually showers regularly.

And, according to Nodoro's website, if your balls don't make your lover's eyes water and their gag reflexes go viral before getting within 10 feet of your nasty self, your sex life will improve.

So don't be shy. Shoo those buzzards away, pick up the phone and order some ball freshener.

Your entire neighborhood lover will thank you.

Nuts!

:)

© 2008 HillCountryGal

Great Balls

GOOD EVENING, CLARICE...

Chianti, anyone?

:)

© 2008 HillCountryGal

On My Own