THE AMAZING

:)

© 2008 HillCountryGal

Post Secrets

Without doubt, this is one of the most amazing vids I have ever seen.

THE MYSTERY

So I had just finished taking my shower and

OK, back up.

Let me set the stage here.

I don't have one of those dresser drawer thingies for clothes. Well, I do, but it's upstairs and it's cold up there in the winter and ass-hot in the summer.

So, in the washer/dryer room, downstairs right next to the bathroom, there's a row of shelves.

And this row of shelves is where the clothes that are being worn that season get put.

To wit:

The Nurse's shelves.

My shelf.

Notice the order of my stuff on my shelf. R to L, bandanna, socks, the 2 bras I own, panties, sweat shirts and pants, jammies, and T-shirts.

So here's the routine.

Just before my shower, I grab a pair of panties and a T-shirt and beebop to the bathroom. I place them on the top of the commode shelf thingie and do the shower thang. I dry off, deodorize the pits, Q tip the ears, and reach for the clean clothes. Panties first, followed by the T.

Simple. Routine. Never varies.

Except

Last night, did the shower, deodorant, Q tip. Put the panties on, reached for the T.

Whoa!

My panties were down around my ankles.

Hmmmmmm

OK, pulled 'em back up over my hips and reached for the T.

Panties flopped to my ankles.

WTF???

Put my glasses on and held the panties up for inspection.

Right style? Uh huh.

Right fabric? Yeah.

Right color? You bet.

Right size? FUCK NO!

They were, oh, I don't know, about 6 or 8 sizes TOO BIG FOR ME!

So I put the T on, got another pair of panties (that fit) and headed to the living room where The Nurse was in his recliner watching something on TV.

I stood between him and the TV and held the HUMONGOUS white cotton bikini panties up in front of me.

The Nurse: "Holy shit! Are you gaining weight?"

Me: "Fuck off. Have you finally decided to explore your feminine side?"

The Nurse: "Nope."

Pause.

The Nurse: "But you can bet your sweet ass if I did those would be lacy & satiny."

BWAAAAAAHHAHAHAHAHHAAAAA!

So the question is, where the fuck did those big ass panties come from?

Now, theoretically, it's possible The Nurse had an orgy with 3-4 women and one of 'em washed, dried and folded their panties and put 'em in my pile and I just didn't notice. Them or my panties stack.

After all, when I'm in my office writing a post, I am intensely focused on nothing else.

As a matter of fact, Brad Pitt himself could be sitting on my face and I wouldn't notice unless his genitals were blocking my view of my monitor and then I'd just be like, "Yo, Brad, move the boys. Now!"

So the question remains, where the fuck did those big ass panties come from?

You know, you learn a lot about peeps by their underwear.

That's right, baby, you do.

Ever have guests that stay for a few days and you offer to wash their clothes for 'em?

I did.

Brother in law.

Black thongs.

OMFG!!

Black thongs.

BWAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAA!

:)

© 2008 HillCountryGal

Any movie fans in the house tonight?

This vid is a compilation of movie themes composed by the great Basil Poledouris. See if you can name all the movies here.

AFTER SOTU

Somehow, this seems appropriate in the light of day after enduring Dubya.The.Vile.Prick's last ever (we hope) SOTU.

59%

blatantly stolen from my friend John Good at Left in Aboite.

Now take this test.

Obviously, I am a meat eater.

Friend or not.

If I'm starving, you will start to look might tasty to my hungry ass.

And you better NOT fucking taste like chicken, either, you hear me?

:)

Hey, guys, we survived SOTU.

WoooooHoooooo!!!

:)

© 2008 HillCountryGal

THE STATE OF THE UNION IS FUCKED

Yes, dudes & dudettes, once again it's SOTU time.

Only this time, it will be


last ever SOTU.


We're gonna be live blogging the drunken historic occasion and if you choose to join in, we're gonna be getting shitfaced.

We will be downing 1 shot of whatever your fave poison is every time Dubya The Asshole mentions certain words.

To wit:

STIMULATE

FREEDOM

DEMOCRACY

BLOW

Now, no SOTU slurred delivered by Dubya The Asshole is complete without an "Alamo Basement."

For those of you who aren't familiar with it, Welcome to Texas!

"Alamo Basement"

2 parts peach schnapps

1 part Ballerina vodka (or any vodka that comes in a 1/2 gallon plastic easy-pour safety bottle)

A crushed Vicodin*, and a splash of soda.

It's served through a funnel and accompanied by chanting.

* If the person ordering is such an anal stickler for historical accuracy that they say,
"There is no basement in the Alamo!," Substitute two Vicodin.
~courtesy of the marvelous Betty Bowers.~

Bonus.

If, by some miraculous cosmic event, Darth Cheney's latest pacemaker yells, "Fuck this! I'm outta here" during SOTU, we will pause in our festivities (momentarily) while you grab yourself a piece of ass.

Followed promptly by 2 shots of your fave drink, of course.

Are you ready to rumble?

Saddle up, baby.

Let's ride!

:)

© 2008 HillCountryGal

BTW, you can live stream SOTU HERE.

A SHORT STORY - THE WEE VIKINGS

In


there's a renegade gang of


'ing






'ing


who are climbing into the


compartment of the


and stealing said


and shit.

A




said

"We're


of installing


on the


Uh huh.


:)

© 2008 HillCountryGal

THE PET

So Dani (dude) and Tasha (dudette) got all dressed up.

Well, for them it was dressed up.

And they beebopped to the bus stop and when the bus arrived, they got on.

Only to be promptly thrown off the bus.

The reason?

The bus driver barked at 'em: "No dogs allowed."

Tacky, you say?

Discriminatory, you think?

Huh.

Well, let's examine the issue, shall we?

Here they are, as they were dressed on said day.

That's right, baby.

Dani (dude) had a LEASH around Tasha's (dudette) neck.

Uh huh, a leash.

Now here's where Granny damn near got the vapors, m'kay?

"I am a pet, I generally act animal like and I lead a really easy life,"
Tasha said.

"I AM A PET."

A fucking PET.

Tasha's not Dani's equal.

She's not even his gorked out Fundie wife/girlfriend required to walk 2 paces behind him.

Nuh huh.

She's his PET.

Smelling salts. Now!

:)

© 2008 HillCountryGal

BWAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!

THE SHOOTING

So these 2 dudes in Australia were out hunting

eggs.

That's right, baby. Croc eggs.

One of the dudes, Jason Grant, apparently never saw "Lake Placid" because he was, well, feeling around for the croc eggs in the murky water.

Sure enough, Mama Croc wasn't happy about her eggs getting stolen so she did what any pissed off Mama Croc would do.

She chomped down on Jason's arm.

Jason: "A croc's got hold of my arm. Shoot it!!!"

His bud Zac Fitzgerald did.

BOOM!

Jason: "The croc, you asshole!! The croc!!"

Jason is recovering in a hospital.

Jason and Zac must not be good friends, you know?

After all, really good friends

shoot each other in the face with buckshot all the time.

And the shootee fucking apologizes to the shooter.

Be a standup dude, Jason!

Apologize to Zac......

.....for having your arm in the bullet's path.

:)

© 2008 HillCountryGal

Blatant Blogwhoring

Ya 'all stop by and say HOW-DEE, ya hear? Just click on the picture.....

Hill has no computer!!

I know we are all going through "Hill withdrawal" here in the Hill Country. But we're not the only ones. Check out who else is very, very sad about the lack of our daily Hill.

This kid from Dawson's Creek had a near meltdown when he logged onto Hill Country this morning.

This little girl was not only sad - but MAD as hell!! She said she ain't eating her peas until Hill is back online.

This woman (man? who the hell knows) can't take one more minute without Hill's videos.

Keith Olbermann is trying to be brave, but says he is so upset he may not be able to do his show this evening.

Even cartoon babies are freaking out!

When Britney Spears heard the news, she said "Now what the hell am I going to do to pass the time while I'm in rehab!?!?!"

This tragic young woman ruined her eye make-up!!

Even this fucker was sad. Wait..........I think those are crocodile tears.

Here's how he really feels. Don't let this asshat be happy geek squad!! Get Hill's computer fixed FAST!!

**Posted by C.J.

DEAN HRBACEK: LYING LARDASS

Let me introduce you to Dean Hrbacek, repuke and former mayor of Sugarland, TX.

You guys remember Sugarland, yes?

Sugarland. Home to

So anyhoo, this Dean dude is among 10 repukes seeking the nomination to run against U.S. Rep. Nick Lampson, D-Stafford.

And in keeping with the repuke tradition we have all come to know so well, Dean has a new campaign brochure thingie going on. You know, his "record" speaks for itself yada yada. Refer to Photo 1.

EXCEPT

Dean's photo in the brochure is, well, "altered" a tad.

That's his head in it, alright.

But the nice slim bod?

Oh, fuck no.

That's SOMEBODY ELSE'S BOD with Dean's head Photoshopped on it.

That's right, baby.

And you are not going to believe the excuse his campaign manager came up with when Dean was busted in his lie.

Get this.

"Hrbacek has been so busy meeting voters that he had no time to take a full-length, genuine photo for the political mailing," according to campaign manager Scott Broschart.

Too busy for a genuine photo.

Now by this time, you guys know me pretty well, yes?

And YOU KNOW I just had to find some photos of the real Dean bod.

I did.

Look at this lardass.

Left to Right, Jabba The Dean with asshat TX Gov. Rick "The Coiffure" Perry

There's an entire Flickr photo show of
*cough* "I am not a pig, I have thyroid probs" Dean right here.

Too busy for a genuine photo.

BWAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAA!

Oink.

:)

© 2008 HillCountryGal

JAKE IS 6

Happy Birthday, Jake.

Granny loves you.

A lot.

:)

© 2008 HillCountryGal

THE COWBOY

:)

© 2008 HillCountryGal

GRAY MATTER

Guest post by my friend, Capt. Bat Guano.

(click to enlarge)

Good day Hillites, Capt. Bat Guano here with a
"what's wrong with this picture" challenge.

Since I won Hill's little contest I had to/was allowed to do a guest posting. Not being a political pundit or some towering intellect, I went for the easy way out.

Hopefully I have picked something that is not overly vague, but that's fun and mentally stimulating. The ability, or inability to identify what's wrong with this picture will tell us something about where you grew up or maybe lived for a while.

Anyway, enough of my blather, let the guessing begin. I'll tell who won, or the answer if no one guesses correctly, at 9:00 p.m. Hill Country time.

*THANK YOU, Capt!*

:)

© 2008 HillCountryGal

AH YES, THE VAPID ONE

Grab your barf bag.

My *cough* fave vapid "anchor" speaks.

And giggles.

And bitches.

And

Well, you'll see...



BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

What an asshole, yes?

HELL, yes!

:)

© 2008 HillCountryGal

Well, here, I'll let the classy Whitney say it for me, m'kay?

WASTED

So this idiot dude over in Germany set his apartment on fire accidentally.

Sort of.

OK, here's what happened.

The dude, name unknown but easy to recognize (the one with the singed off eyebrows) was having a good ole time drinking whiskey from a

No problemo.

Except

He decided he needed just ONE MORE SIP.

He took it.

Problemo.

Instead of whiskey, said idiot drank

That's right, baby.

He got his whiskey and his gasoline mixed up.

So anyway, he chugs a lug of gasoline.

PROJECTILE SPIT!

Right out onto the

in the room.

FLASH!

FIRE!!!

So seriously now, HOW FUCKED UP DO YOU HAVE TO BE TO CONFUSE YOUR WHISKEY WITH YOUR GASOLINE?!???

According to the article, this idiot had GASOLINE in a flask.

Now I have a question, OK?

WHY?

Why in the flying fuck would you EVER put gasoline in a flask?

Color me reasonable here, but seems to me, that would sort of be a signal to your brain that you were really were batshit crazy.

As in cuckoo.

Premium or unleaded?

Both!

:)

© 2008 HillCountryGal

Radar Love

PERCEPTIONS

It's all about perceptions, isn't it?

So tell me.

What do you see?

Pain

or

Pleasure?

Huh?

Why are you being quiet all of a sudden?

Tell me!

:)

© 2008 HillCountryGal

Slow Ride