THE STUFF

Check this out!

I want one of these Ewok Tree Houses.

I do.

Would that be Über Cool or what???

Get this. It's like a REAL house in there, with kitchen, bed, sofa, dining table, little office thingie, EVERYTHING you could possibly need

except

a bathroom.

That's right, a BATHROOM.

I COULD do that bathing in the river thingie IF I HAD TO, but bygawd, I do believe I hate doing my other bathroom "bidness" in the woods.

2 reasons.

Reason No. 1: Did that once on the drive from Wichita Falls to Port Arthur, TX, and somewhere along Alto, TX, where Patches

is from, (I don't really KNOW that Patches is from Alto, just seems like he might be) I simply HAD to pee....so I pulled over and trudged out into the woods, squatted down, did my bidness, got back in my car, and eventually made it home to Port Arthur.

Where when I got to use MY REAL BATHROOM, I found a fucking TICK in my belly button. Oh, yes, I did.

Reason No. 2: When I lived in Odessa, TX, and made that interminable drive from there to Wichita Falls to visit my parents, no matter how small the amount of water I drank BEFORE the trip, somewhere along that *cough* oasis of between Midland and wherever, the urge would get really strong to go.

Now, as Fade will tell ya, out in that desolate part of Tejas there is ne'er ONE TREE to hide behind while you piss. NOT ONE.

So I would tell my kids to TELL ME when a car was coming while I squatted right there on the shoulder sorta behind the car.

Kids: "Mama, car's coming!"

I'd jump up, yanking my pants up (not wanting to have passersby seeing me with my junk hanging out all over the place) and instantly,

Kids: "BWAAAAAHHAHAHAHAAAA! We was funning you, Mama."

Me: "You're both getting your asses whipped....WHEN I FINISH."

Kids: "Yeah, RIGHT, Mama...."

So after about 4 times, BTW, us females can cut out piss off in a nanosecond. I mean, we can SHUT IT OFF!

So anyway, after about 4 times of that BULLSHIT...

Kids: "Mama, car's coming!"

Me: "Yeah, RIGHT...."

Uh huh.

Mutherfucking 18-wheeler would SLOW DOWN and HONK at my ass.

Kids: "BWAAAAAAAAAAAHHAHAHAAHA! We wasn't funning you, Mama."

Me: "You're both getting your asses whipped....AS SOON AS REGAIN MY DIGNITY!"

Kids: "Yeah, RIGHT....."

Vroom-vroom!

:)

© 2007 HillCountryGal

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